I think recently my mood swings is very bad. One moment I feel so happy and the next I'm frustrated and sian. So today was my confirmation day. I was rather excited in the morning though I had a terrible nightmare and plus coco was barking in the middle of the night so I woke up feeling so not refreshed. Work was alright. After lunch we had our unit meeting followed by my confirmation appraisal. I was glad that my reviews were largely positive. I scored 25/33 which according to them is rather high for a new staff with no prior experience in this field. After work I was supposed to go playnation with Andrew. So when we met and on our way there we were still laughing and joking around. I remember feeling really happy to be able to go out with him. Then we started talking about Enoch cell and how I was any at him in the past for badmouthing Enoch cell. But I don't remember so I was quite irritated when he made it sound like I was being defensive and misunderstood him. So I just said he makes me angry most of the time when he speaks cause he tend to use a very bad tone that makes people offended, maybe just me. Then he started to keep quiet all the way until we reached playnation he didn't want to talk to me. So when we first started the games, it was super awkward cause I'm like trying to act normal but he is just ignoring me. After a while then we slowly started to talk, then played together and have interactions. I enjoyed the games. Then it was time to go, then I realized that I'm really very broke. But I don't want to let him know in case he finds out that I have been spending all my money. So I just paid and we left. Then he was talking about how he is always very thrifty except when he goes out with me. Then he'll say things like I'm very stingy, when it's my turn to pay then I'll always try to cut the costs. But when is he pay then I nv. I didn't do it on purpose ma. And is he always like to bring me to those atas places. I just didn't refuse only. And I don't know what's the reason tt he doesn't like to hold hands. It's like when he wants to masturbate then he'll get all so close but when he's not in need then he don't even bother to hold hands. I really don't know what does it mean. So I started to get irritated and sian. Then he once again was very annoyed by his mother cause she wants to buy an insurance plan from me but she always get him to do stuff. On my side I'm also very lost as to what they want to do. So I felt even more sian cause now work has come into the equation. I was so tired and sian tt I really didn't want to bring coco down but seeing that she was so guai as to not pee on the floor, I still brought her down. And now I'm just drowning in my sian ness and I hate it because it's supposed to be a happy day with celebration but end up I'm just so frustrated about everything. It's a sucky day...
today we had the final rehearsal for the Christmas Eve event but I thought everything was very unorganized. When I reached the kids were practicing their songs then I was trying to make a ppt for our skit so that it wouldn't be so plain. Then ah bo all a sudden shouted for me to go play for their elderly choir. And I was just like huh? Shouldn't they have a fixed pianist for their performance? Cause their first rehearsal I was also the one tt they last minute asked to help. So I just asked her like who is their pianist for the performance. Then she just like very annoyed and say I just have to help them now. Then keep hurrying me. So ok fine I went then before guo wei zl even say to start she keep asking me to guo men. But obviously I should follow the instructor and not her right. Then to make things worse, Ai zhen was practicing for her worship on tt day so Yi bin was playing the keyboard super loudly which makes my playing also silent. Then my mum came and asked if I could play louder but I was already playing very loud. So I shouted to ai zhen, hoping to make her stop her practice for a while. Then ah bo came and said I should at least call her ai zhen lao shi. Ok reasonable. But back to the topic, Ai zhen didn't heard me I guess so we had to fight to hear ourselves until I was literally bang on the piano to make it louder. After tt yi wen came so I finally got to do what I wanted. Then came the problem of my ppt cause I couldn't use the wifi to open my mail on the laptop to show the ppt. So I went in and out of the PA room trying to get it to work but end up the laptop had some problems so it wasn't able to connect to any wifi or hotspot. Luckily Wei da could connect it to his phone. But when the rehearsal started, it was all in a mess cause Matthew, Jensen and Ada wasn't around so we literally got half the skit cut out. Then the slides wasn't coordinated, the lights and props wasn't done. And after the first rehearsal Ai zhen came to say that I wasn't speaking clearly up there and I had to enunciate my words even more. Then she praised Gracia and Andrea for their acting cause it was very clear. I felt very upset then cause I guess I was just jealous why I'm being targeted as not acting well. But oh well, I know it is an ego thing so I heeded her advice and did better the second round. I guess everything added up that made my mood not so good then couldn't be very focused on my acting. And I don't know what Chang loong is doing. He doesn't seem to be able to plan well. It's like they got a lot of ideas but like not well planned leh. The whole skit feels so empty without any ppt slides or bgd music but they like no mention who's going to do it. So everything is like I think it'll add some pts to the show then I just prepare lo. Oh and I missed one part which is when Ai zhen was practicing for her worship. Ah no came over and told me "她不会唱就不要放她做主席。""谁?""那个在台上的咯（pointing to Ai zhen)“我觉得还好吧。”“她都唱不上去还硬硬要唱。”“主席不容易当”“我觉得她唱歌都不好听的”...and that was after she corrected me for being rude to call Ai zhen by her name only. Oh well, what else to say but age really determines your hierarchy.
i can barely count the number of times tt she and my parents quarrel over anything in fact, but mostly abt Christianity. My mum love to say tt it's because of her friends that are bad influence by I don't think it is right to blame it on friends because obviously no one would like to make friends with "bad" ppl and I'm sure there are good friends ard her. So it only irritates her even more when my mum keep emphasizing tt Christian friends are the only good ones. Then my sis will blurt out stuff to counter whatever they say like they say it's end times then she'll say WWII also war what. Then when they talk abt how good Christians are, she will bring up the case of Kong hee. I admit it's not to our advantage at all when things like the Kong hee case came out. It is very easily assumed tt Christians are hypocrites and they bluff ppl of their money etc. but I guess I've decided to not debate over stuff like tt because I don't see value in quarreling but if they sincerely want to ask, I'll just have to say Christians are not saints, just forgiven sinners. I am in no position to say whether Kong hee was really a Christian or maybe he just made a mistake in his life but I am sure at the end of the day, God will be the one to pass judgement and instead of spending time debating if they are right or wrong, I'd rather build my relationship with God such tt at the end of the day I will get to be with Him. I guess I'll have to keep praying for myself and ppl ard me to know Christ personally and for us to experience his love and guidance.
My dad is such an asshole. Always blame us for not taking care of the dog. Ya la like he's the best cause he unemployed what. So free for what sia. Then always ask us to do things. Do yourself la! Wts.
i cant believe i havent typed anything since cny. haha. anyway many things have changed since then. Jan-Apr FYP
May Graduation trip
June Mission trip to EA
July Start of BIP
August Graduation + Family trip to Melbourne
November Yong Hong left Takeda leaving me alone

Oh well. Im glad things progressed this way. Thank God for the chance to even enter A*STAR and Takeda for Internship. Though its going to end real soon. I mean even my project is finishing by latest next week? Unless they give me a new assay to do. Still trying to cope with the loss of YH. Its so lonely in Takeda alone and at times I'll imagine tt he's still there. All the memories of us eating lunch together, walking home together and waiting/helping each other with our work. Im glad that he found a great job. It's just that I really miss him. Still rmb we had so many things that we wanted to do tgt. Like eating laksa at Tanglin Halt, going back to One-North MRT there for their variety of kopitiam food. And he finally treated me to Starbucks coffee on his last day. I was so sad I couldnt stay longer cause I had to go for kai qin ls wake. He has always been like a big brother, being there for me when I was lost and teaching me so patiently even when I doubt him most of the time. He even saw my panicky side and calmed me down by telling me what to expect for the presentation. Im really glad God posted me to Takeda, if not I wouldnt be able to have this close friend.

Currently I have applied to Abbvie and got rejected but I applied for Amgen and is still waiting for their response. Im not sure if its a good choice cause of the shift work thing and dad seems to be quite strongly against it. I mean I know his concerns cause I have the same concerns too. But it seems like if i want to enter the manufacturing side then its a common thing. Unless I go to research but they will require a Master's or Phd. Sigh. I just hope I wont be unemployed. Cause dad is already not working. I cant possibly expect anyone to give me allowance anymore. I just pray and trust that God will prepare a good job that will honour Him.

Im so tired tonight. Dont know why. I slept a lot this morning leh, And my nose is giving me a bit of problem. Hopefully it doesnt turn into a full fledged illness. :)
It's the first day of cny!!
Have been really busy with a lot of things recently:
- theory lessons to prepare for exams in March
- sunday school lessons preparation
- tf bible study preparation
- yfc new role of event ic
- hanging out with new project servants and students
- practicing for worship
- WORK
- FYP

omg. I'm so cluttered by these things. Everyday when I reach home I just feel like nua-ing. And when the next day arrives it's like I'm back on rushing from place to place. My form of entertainment/relaxation is to play phone games. It's the time i can just blank out and temporarily forget about what I have to do. To be honest, I think that I'm taking too much too. But I have a very bad habit of not knowing how to reject. And I always think that I am free to do something more but end up realizing that I've overlooked something. But I also dont know how I can better plan my time. Like what is too much and when have I become too slack, I can never be sure about it. So I'd rather just pack myself with everything.

Anyway, we're into the second phase of FYP and I'm glad we are all still doing fine until now. I was really worried that I won't be able to blend in or make any contribution but I guess I'm doing just fine. Pray that it'll continue to be so smooth by God's grace. With all these meetings and work, I'm really tired at the end of the day. Only on some days I can just take a break and watch drama all the way before sleeping. I shall go sleep now too. Tomorrow got a lunch appointment followed by more FYP research to do in case they think that I'm slacking away. Sigh. Hopefully the arrival of CNY can bring more free days to me. Haha.